Good ideas, but there’s no hope for follow through.
There’s too much.
Frustration in lack of effective change.
Culminating passion, fatigue, stuck in mid level, status quo.
This summarizes my first day of teacher in service. It was a return to the busy. The return to pressures and demands. All of it left me conflicted, lost, and deeply overwhelmed.
To counteract the anxiety and fatigue, I napped, fixed dinner, drank a glass of wine, and took a walk with my husband and dog. I prepared my tomorrow materials and showered. I slipped into bed and began reading in an attempt to correct my bed time habits. I said my prayers, more than usual. A FB check snuck in, which only confirmed I need to step away. I don’t need it. I logged off and continued to read until I had to write.
I’m reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. Big Magic explores what it means to live creatively, and how to achieve such a lifestyle. I was already a fan of her work. 16 pages into Big Magic and I’ve fallen in love with her all over again. Simple, clear, and brilliant all at once. Finishing her accurate description of fear, I’ve had my first realization.
It’s always been effective; creativity. When I’m low, the only thing that soothes and stimulates is creating. That thing may be on paper, made of clay, or moving my breath through my body while in any given asana, or independently choreographing my movements to whatever is playing. It’s my therapy. It’s the connection to myself, and the result that flows forth, regardless of quality. That’s the sweet spot with all the good stuff. It’s the moment when inspiration strikes and you’re riding the wave of pure divinity. It’s an exhilarating and calming practice that brings clarity to my mind and resets my soul.
So after finishing the chapter on courage, following my ‘Day of Return,’ I jotted these words. Because I had to. Because these words in this moment are my “Magic.”